One Million Moms Wants You To Badger Kohl’s Into Not Advertising On Creepy TV

Guest Guyd
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December 11, 2014
6:00 a.m.

JACK FALAHEE, CONRAD RICAMORAStory Courtesy Of Winston Gieseke

One Million Moms, a group that as of this writing has exactly 69,677 likes on Facebook (which, in case you’re not good at math, is exactly 930,323 likes short of a million), is once again trying to save the world from … well, everything.

In an email to Joe.My.God’s Joe Jervis, One Million Moms encourages readers to harass department store chain Kohl’s into withdrawing its advertising support from ABC’s hit (or “creepy,” as OMM calls it) show How to Get Away with Murder because it contains “a whole slew of sins” in the guise of entertainment. The missive then goes on to list the atrocities, some of which are evidently too heinous to spell out in full. They include:

  • assault and murder (“on several occasions”)
  • graphic heteros-xual and homos-xual s-x scenes on a p-rn-graphic level
  • foul language
  • mockery of Jesus Christ and Christians
  • s-x with a minor (which, in case you’re not in the know, is also known as statutory r-pe)
  • adultery and marital affairs (which evidently are different)
  • casual s-x [depicted] as acceptable, even when with multiple partners or encounters in public places
  • a rotting corpse
  • dead bodies
  • other gore

One Million Moms, who in the past has spoken out against the Disney Channel for having the audacity to show a lesbian couple, Glee for allowing a trans character to portray the Holy Virgin Mary in a nativity sceneand sing a Supremes classic about having a baby out of wedlock, Kmart for producing a TV commercial that features hot men in boxers “thrusting in a sexualized way to the tune of Jingle Bells”, and the Norelco shaving company for promoting manscaping, concluded the email asking its followers to badger Kohl’s into ceasing its HTGAWM ad campaign.

We’ve decided to follow One M-ll-on M-ms’ lead. Not in harassing department stores but in omitting random vowels from things we deem offensive.

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